Several years ago a friend of mine (thanks Dom) introduced me to something I always knew existed but could never put into words: man points. What are man points, you ask?
Each man on planet earth has a manliness quotient. A man can earn man points and add to his manliness quotient by performing acts of manliness, or he can subtract from his quotient by performing unmanly deeds. For example, I recently earned man points by repairing my gas grill. However, during that same period I lost man points by riding my little scooter to Lowes while wearing Crocs to purchase a tool I needed.
Man points are not awarded by an individual. Rather, they are simply woven into the fabric of the universe (don’t ask me how I know all this stuff, I just do).
Some men, such as Russell Crowe, have high manliness quotients, while other men, like Richard Simmons, are on the lower end.
What can a man do to earn man points? While not an exhaustive list, here are some examples:
- Eat meat from an animal that you personally tracked and killed.
- Grow a full beard (no shaving the neck allowed).
- Perform a difficult home repair without the aid of any professional (bonus points if you’re bleeding by the end).
- Drink a large glass full of raw eggs and then go for a long run; or practice boxing on large sides of beef.
- Have any of the following nicknames: Mr. Pain, Muscles, King Kong, Piledriver.
- Continue playing football after breaking or dislocating any appendage (I don’t personally recommend this, but I didn’t invent man point rules).
How does one lose man points? By:
- Using a Bible cover with a handle that makes it look like a purse.
- Watching any movie starring Hugh Grant or listening to music by Josh Groban.
- Driving a Mazda Miata or Volkswagen Beetle.
- Wearing a turtleneck, overly tight jeans with fake rips in them, or getting hair highlights.
Now, I mean no offense by any of these stipulations. Remember, I didn’t invent these. Don’t argue with me, take it up with the fabric of the universe.
I have two questions. First, would you add anything to my list? Second, for the ladies: Is there such a thing as ‘girl points’, and if so, how do your earn them?
+photo by Shermeee
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