You Might Have Kids If…

I have a three year old daughter and a six month old daughter, and I love them like crazy. But having kids makes me do things that I would never do otherwise. Like…

…use the word ‘potty’ in my prayers.

Most people don’t know this but potty training is the third leading cause of insanity in the world. Next time you go to the grocery store, look closely at the faces of young parents. You’ll probably notice little stress tics, like a lip spasm or eyebrow twitch. I regularly find myself desperately praying for divine potty intervention. I’m not to the point where I’m rebuking potty demons, but I’m getting pretty close.

…sing kids songs. By myself. To myself.

Before I had kids I would sing Coldplay or Mat Kearney. I was cool and I was up on the cool music. Not so much anymore. Now I find myself singing “Bob the Builder” and “Winnie the Pooh” under my breath. Sometimes I do hand motions. (Not really. Not yet.)

…devise my own code language.

There are times when Jen and I need to speak in a highly sophisticated code language to each other. For example, I can’t just say the words ‘ice cream’ unless I plan on taking my family out to get ice cream. So I’ll say to Jen: “Hey Jen, what would you think about taking you-know-who out to get some I-C-E?” Notice how I shortened the words ‘ice cream’ into just ‘ice’ in order to throw Charis off the trail? I could have been a code breaker in WWII.

…make ultra specific requests of Charis.

My daughter Charis is the cutest, smartest little sinner you ever met. If she’s banging her spoon on the table at dinner, I can’t say, “Charis please stop banging your spoon on the table.” Not nearly specific enough. I need to say, “Charis, please don’t bang your spoon on the table, or your bowl, or your cup, or your sister’s head, or daddy’s hand, or in the air.” She still might find a way to get around a request that specific.

I love my kids and wouldn’t trade my life for anything. But sometimes I think I might be going a bit crazy.

How do you know that you have kids?

Never Miss Any Goodness

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