Sometimes when I get bored I like to think about what the Christian headlines of the future will be. What will magazines like Christianity Today be saying in 25 years? Maybe something like this?
PAUL TRIPP DONATES MUSTACHE TO SCIENCE
Philadelphia – The trademark mustache that has changed so many lives is no more. After many years of sporting his trade mark “Tripp-Stache”, Paul Tripp has decided to donate his famed mustache to science.
The mustache will be donated to researchers at Temple University. “We’re really excited to get this mustache for a couple reasons,” said Temple research scientist Michael Vilmer. “First, we want to determine if the mustache really is a mustache. We have reason to believe that it might actually be some sort of independent organism, such as a new species of beaver or ferret. We won’t know for sure until we do DNA testing, but we’re fairly certain that we are dealing with a new species of animal. Second, we’re hoping to clone that bad boy. It’s not every day that a mustache of this density and lushness comes into our lab, and we have high hopes of reproducing it.”
When asked about the possibility of cloning, Tripp said, “You know, there are a lot of guys out there who are really broken up about their inability to grow facial hair. On an almost weekly basis I have guys coming to me and saying, ‘Paul, I need help. My kids don’t respect me because I don’t have a mustache.’ My heart goes out to these guys. If we can clone my mustache and make it available to other guys, it will be a huge step in the right direction.”
When asked if he would regrow the famous mustache, Tripp commented, “You know, I’m not really sure. I can grow a full beard in twenty minutes, so I’m not really worried about it at this time.”
Sources at Temple confirmed that they are also in negotiations over David Crowder’s beard, but that nothing has been agreed to yet.
FYI – This is written in pure fun. Dr. Tripp, if you happen to read this, know two things. First, your books have helped me immensely and we carry lots of them at our church. Second, I hope I can grow a mustache like you someday.