From time to time I hear a husband or wife wonder if perhaps they made a mistake in marrying the person that they did.
Things have usually gotten pretty bad by the time this question arises. Maybe the differences between the husband and wife are much greater than either one anticipated. The husband is neat, the wife is messy. The wife is talkative, the husband is quiet. The husband is always on time, the wife lives more in the moment. The wife is social, the husband is a homebody. These differences, which were initially just an irritant, have grown into something massive. What was once a tiny gap has become a great divide.
A marriage that once seemed so promising now seems to have little hope. That’s when the “did I marry the wrong person?” question usually arises.
In these difficult situations I find the words of Paul Tripp to be very helpful:
God is in control not only of the locations in which you live, but also of the influences that have shaped you as a person. He has not only written the story of you and your spouse and determined that your stories would intersect, but he has controlled all the things that have made you different from one another.
As you struggle, you must not view your marriage as bad luck, or poor planning, or a mess that you have made for yourself. No, God is right smack-dab in the middle of your of your struggle. He is not surprised by what you are facing today. He is up to something. (What Did You Expect??, pgs. 213-214)
Your marriage, and the struggles in your marriage are not an accident. Even if you married a non-Christian, you’re marriage is not an accident! God is sovereign over all your struggles and sins, and he is using the differences between you and your spouse to bring himself glory and to make you more like Jesus.
You didn’t marry the wrong person. You married the person that God always planned for you to marry, and God is with you in all your struggles.
Side note: There are obviously a thousand different variations on marriage. If you are in an abusive marriage, I am not saying that you need to stay in the path of harm. That conversation should be had with your pastor or another wise Christian.