Things You Don’t Want To Hear On Thanksgiving


Happy Thanksgiving and we hope you don’t hear any of these things tomorrow.
  • Honey where’s the fire extinguisher?
  • Oh I forgot to tell you, I invited my cousin Eddie and his wife and their 18 children. ?And they’ll be here in an hour…
  • Honey I need the fire extinguisher like now…
  • Was I supposed to take this little bag out of the turkey before I cooked it?
  • Honey did I tell you that my cousin Eddie and his wife and 18 children are all vegetarians, celiacs, lactose intolerant and don’t eat any corn products?
  • Can we please open some windows so the smoke alarm will shut off?
  • Daddy, what’s wrong with Sparky? He just went and laid on his side after I gave him the turkey carcass.
  • Sorry honey, all we have is decaf (this is definitely the worst thing to hear)…
  • Dad, there are some people at the front door dressed up like pilgrims and Indians and they want to sing to you…
  • I think this turkey will be okay once I wipe the fire extinguisher foam off…
  • Hey kids, I read that the Pilgrims probably didn’t even have turkey on the first Thanksgiving so we’re having something authentic ? woodchuck!
  • And thank you for this food, and thank you that I lost my job yesterday ? oh honey, sorry but I forgot to mention that to you?
  • I didn’t have quite enough pumpkin pie filling so I mixed in some ground-up jalapenos….
  • Don’t worry honey. ?Even though I burned the turkey we have something just as good – Boca Burgers!
  • Hey Dad, this is great! ?Can we go out to a restaurant with Uncle Eddie and all our cousins every Thanksgiving?

Any more you’d add? ?Have a great day!


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Mark Altrogge

I’m a pastor at Saving Grace Church in Indiana, PA. I’m married to Kristi, have 5 kids, and a growing number of grandkids. I enjoy songwriting, oil painting and coffee, not necessarily in that order.