A Letter To Everyone Who Doesn’t Have A Valentine

photo credit: Brandon Christopher Warren via photopin cc
photo credit: Brandon Christopher Warren via photopin cc

Dear Friends,

Today is Valentines Day, also known as “Make Single People Feel Like Total Losers” Day. From the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep, you will be reminded that, for some inexplicable reason, you do not have a husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend.

You will also be made to feel like a worthless piece of crap who will never be in a relationship and will end up hoarding cats at the end of your life. You may receive a call from your mother in which she:1) Asks if you have any marriage prospects OR 2) Tries to match you up with someone.

I will not say that Jesus is your Valentine, because that is incredible cheesy and moderately creepy.

However, I do want to remind you of a few things.

  • Being single does not make you any less valuable or any less of a person. Jesus, the most human person to ever live, was single. You are valuable to God because you are his son or daughter. He treasures you because he made you in his image and bought you with his blood, not because you have a significant other. Tomorrow, find your identity and value in Christ, not in your current relational status. Your essential identity as a child of God does not change depending on your relational status. Tomorrow, feel God’s deep pleasure and delight in you.
  • Being single does not mean you are incomplete.You are not half a person, half a Christian, or half a church member just because you are single. You are fully accepted and complete in Christ. God delights in you as you are, not as you will be once you are in a relationship.
  • Singleness is not a holding pattern.Due to the well-meaning, yet often unhelpful remarks of others, you can be made to feel as if being single is some sort of in-between stage for your life. Almost as if you can’t effectively serve God until you are married with kids. This is a lie. Singleness is not a holding pattern, it’s a time for explosion. God wants your single years to be some of the most fruitful, God-honoring years of your life. Paul wished everyone could be single so that everyone could have single-minded devotion to the Lord. Don’t think of your single years as an in-between staging area for the rest of your life. Use tomorrow to strategize about how you can most effectively serve the Lord.
  • Your church needs you.Unfortunately, going to church can be a regular reminder that you are still single. But as a married guy, I can confidently say that your church needs you. A church made up almost exclusively of ?married couples can’t function nearly as effectively as a church with a mix of married and single folks. You may be single, but you have particular God-given gifts and abilities that your church needs. Don’t deprive the members of your church of the gifts God has given you. Don’t believe the lie that church is only for married folks.
  • Turn your loneliness to prayer.At some point tomorrow you will feel lonely. When those times come, turn to the Lord in prayer. Confess your loneliness to him, but also proclaim your trust in his goodness, kindness, and mercy. Thank God that he truly does care about every detail of your life, including your relationships. Ask God for the supernatural power to be content in all circumstances. Loneliness without prayer is fodder for temptation. Loneliness with prayer can create godliness.
  • Beware of unique temptations.Because of your loneliness, you may be uniquely tempted tomorrow in regard to sexual impurity. Pornography might seem particularly appealing. Don’t give in. It will only end up hurting you and dishonoring the Lord.
  • Remember that marriage is not the end all.I am so grateful that I am married. But as you know, marriage is not the thing that will ultimately satisfy you and solve all your problems. Only Jesus can satisfy our deepest longings. If you’re not content in your singleness you won’t be content when you are in a relationship.

I don’t write these things lightly. I know that Valentines Day is full of loneliness for single folks. I pray that tomorrow God will give you a double dose of divine joy.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some of those awful chalk hearts to eat.


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