A Letter To Everyone Who Doesn’t Have A Valentine

Dear Friends,

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, also known as “Make Single People Feel Like Total Losers” Day. From the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep, you will be reminded that, for some inexplicable reason, you do not have a husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend.

You will also be made to feel like a worthless piece of crap who will never be in a relationship and will end up hoarding cats at the end of your life. You may receive a call from your mother in which she:?1) Asks if you have any marriage prospects OR 2) Tries to match you up with someone.

I will not say that Jesus is your Valentine, because that is incredible cheesy and moderately creepy.

However, I do want to remind you of a few things.

  • Being single does not make you any less valuable or any less of a person. Jesus, the most human person to ever live, was single. You are valuable to God because you are his son or daughter. He treasures you because he made you in his image and bought you with his blood, not because you have a significant other. Tomorrow, find your identity and value in Christ, not in your current relational status. Your essential identity as a child of God does not change depending on your relational status. Tomorrow, feel God’s deep pleasure and delight in you.
  • Being single does not mean you are incomplete.?You are not half a person, half a Christian, or half a church member just because you are single. You are fully accepted and complete in Christ. God delights in you as you are, not as you will be once you are in a relationship.
  • Singleness is not a holding pattern.?Due to the well-meaning, yet often unhelpful remarks of others, you can be made to feel as if being single is some sort of in-between stage for your life. Almost as if you can’t effectively serve God until you are married with kids. This is a lie. Singleness is not a holding pattern, it’s a time for explosion. God wants your single years to be some of the most fruitful, God-honoring years of your life. Paul wished everyone could be single so that everyone could have single-minded devotion to the Lord. Don’t think of your single years as an in-between staging area for the rest of your life. Use tomorrow to strategize about how you can most effectively serve the Lord.
  • Your church needs you.?Unfortunately, going to church can be a regular reminder that you are still single. But as a married guy, I can confidently say that your church needs you. A church made up almost exclusively of ?married couples can’t function nearly as effectively as a church with a mix of married and single folks. You may be single, but you have particular God-given gifts and abilities that your church needs. Don’t deprive the members of your church of the gifts God has given you. Don’t believe the lie that church is only for married folks.
  • Turn your loneliness to prayer.?At some point tomorrow you will feel lonely. When those times come, turn to the Lord in prayer. Confess your loneliness to him, but also proclaim your trust in his goodness, kindness, and mercy. Thank God that he truly does care about every detail of your life, including your relationships. Ask God for the supernatural power to be content in all circumstances. Loneliness without prayer is fodder for temptation. Loneliness with prayer can create godliness.
  • Beware of unique temptations.?Because of your loneliness, you may be uniquely tempted tomorrow in regard to sexual impurity. Pornography might seem particularly appealing. Don’t give in. It will only end up hurting you and dishonoring the Lord.
  • Remember that marriage is not the end all.?I am so grateful that I am married. But as you know, marriage is not the thing that will ultimately satisfy you and solve all your problems. Only Jesus can satisfy our deepest longings. If you’re not content in your singleness you won’t be content when you are in a relationship.

I don’t write these things lightly. I know that Valentines Day is full of loneliness for single folks. I pray that tomorrow God will give you a double dose of divine joy.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some of those awful chalk hearts to eat.

Stephen



Comments

  1. Nicole McLernon says

    Thank you for this. God has been working on my heart in this area for a long time now. And the idea of “complete and single” is one that I’m just now starting to believe. As I’ve submitted myself to the truth of Scripture and the care of God, Valentine’s Day has slowly become just another day and not one instantly associated with sadness and self-loathing. That said, marriage is still dear and a hope that I cherish.

  2. Kay Pease says

    While this article may not directly apply to me, as I am married, I can see some parallels to my struggle with infertility. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for five years, with one miscarriage three and a half years ago, and I, too, have been struggling with the idea of my life and my family being complete without children. The phrase, “married with kids” or “married with children” tends to flow out naturally, yet doesn’t apply to me, and to many in my situation. So many activities in church center around children and youth, which is essential, but becomes a consistent reminder that I can’t participate in church life in that way.

    Recently, I have been struggling with the idea that I may not have been giving God my all because I have been so focused on obtaining this particular blessing. (And I know I am SO blessed in innumerable ways.) This, in part, has led us to taking a break from our quest for a child. I really need to put Jesus back in the center, and walk with Him where ever He leads, even if that is a life without children. That is an incredibly hard truth that I am still trying to come to terms with.

    I hope this wasn’t too off topic, but I think that it is all too human to feel isolated from others because we fall outside of what we see as the norm. That can happen whether you are single, married without children, or married with children. But I know God loves us and desires to use us exactly as we are.

  3. Rivkah Sanders says

    Thank you Stephen, as a 27 year old single Christian, I truly appreciate married Christians seeking to encourage singles and point us to Christ as the ultimate goal. Being saved from our sins and God’s wrath and brought into Christ is the most beautiful and real thing that can happen to any of us, marriage is a gift but a minor one compared to the True Gift.

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