The Olympics Would Be More Awesome If…



I wrote this during the last Winter Olympics. In honor of the upcoming Olympics I thought I would post it again and add some new ideas.

I’m all for the Olympics. I think it’s great that every two years, the world joins together to celebrate what matters most: Visa.

But, in all honesty, I think the Olympics could be improved a bit. Here are just a few suggestions:

Incorporate an aging classic rock band into the opening ceremony. I watched the opening ceremonies for a grand total of five minutes, and then changed the channel out of sheer boredom. I mean, seriously, you can only watch athletes waving at the crowd for so long before you want to punch someone in the face. I probably wouldn’t have changed the channel if Bon Jovi had been setting a guitar on fire. The Olympics could learn from the Super Bowl here. Bruno Mars put on quite a show at the most recent Super Bowl. Maybe he’s available for a follow up performance.

Impose a minimum weight requirement of 250 pounds for all male figure skaters. Male figure skaters aren’t big guys, even if you include the 4o pounds of sequins that they wear. Most of them weigh approximately 110 pounds. Thus, it isn’t quite as difficult for them to pull off a triple axle. It would be much more interesting to see a 250 pound guy named ‘Larry’ try the same move. Especially if Larry was wearing short jean shorts and a greasy white t-shirt.

Encourage More “Cross-Event” Athletes.?Remember when Hershel Walker, the running back for the Eagles, was part of the US Bobsled team? That was awesome. I would love to see more athletes following in Walker’s footsteps. For example, I would love to see Shaq on the ski jump team, or Kobe Bryant on the curling team, or David Ortiz as a figure skater.

Add rifles into events other than the biathlon. I’m not sure who decided that skiing and shooting a rifle would be a good idea, but it seems like it might work in other events too. Speed skating seems like a sport ready for rifles. So does figure skating, for that matter. Alternatively, the judges for figure skating could be equipped with rifles. If a performance wasn’t up to par the skater would be shot. The possibilities really are endless.

Play the ‘Chariots of Fire’ theme song before every event. I guarantee that every world record would be shattered if this simple practice were adopted.

Have Morgan Freeman to do all commentary. Morgan Freeman can make a documentary on dung beetles sound fascinating. I would watch curling if Morgan Freeman was calling the game.

If anyone on the International Olympic Committee happens to read this, please feel free to contact me for more suggestions.

What else would you add to this list?

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