We all know that being a worship leader involves nothing more than looking pretty and essentially being a rock star for Jesus. All they do all week is sit in their offices, drink Red Bull, and admire their skinny jeans and freshly gelled hair.
If there’s one thing worship leaders need, it’s a little more adversity in their lives. With that in mind, here are 8 ways you can make your worship leader possibly lose his sanity.
Complain about the volume level every week for multiple years in a row. All Christians know that loud music is the devil’s music, and every week the music is so loud you can barely think, let alone sing. In fact, just last week you blew out your vocal chords trying to make yourself heard. A good strategy is to remind your worship leader every single week that the volume is unbearable. When he tells you that it’s barely above 60 decibels, show up the next week with cotton stuffed into your ears to make your point.
Consistently volunteer to be on the worship team despite the fact that you have no musical experience whatsoever. Listen, you may have never played an instrument, but you can dance like heck and you play a mean tambourine. If there’s not a place for those skills on the worship team, perhaps you need to find a new church. Or perhaps HE needs to find a new church…AM I RIGHT?
Suggest songs with somewhat heretical lyrics. You understand that lyrics are important, but it seems your worship leader doesn’t understand that sometimes feelings matter a little bit more. Sure, a song might include a few references that once got people burned at the stake, but that was then. THIS NOW.
Suggest secular songs that might be Christian. Creed, U2, Lifehouse, and occasionally Kanye are great resources for this. Plus, these songs will resonate with new people. They’ll come into church and be like, Wait, am I in church or at a Kanye concert?
Talk about your old worship leader. This works especially well if you’re at a small church where worship is led by an average dude. Constantly talk about the good ole’ days when you were at [OLD CHURCH NAME] and the band just rocked out. It was, like, a 15 piece band and the anointing was THERE. And the worship leader? He. Just. Had it. He was like David meets Sammy Hagar meets Josh Groban.
Occasionally encourage him by saying, “Hey, that actually didn’t suck today!”. Throwing in the occasional compliment will throw him off and make him question everything he knows. Suddenly he feels like when Neo discovered The Matrix. Another similar strategy is to constantly compliment the worship leader about the preaching. It’s a brilliant passive-aggressive strategy that will give him terrible insomnia.
Regularly harken back to the days when worship was worship. This is an ideal strategy if you’re over the age of 50. Talk in dreamy tones about the revival that swept your church in the 1970’s and how it was all about the songs you sang. Also tell him that the reason the church isn’t currently experiencing revival is because of the songs.
Set him up with blind worship tryouts. This is like a blind date, except for worship leaders. Tell him you’ve got a friend who is an amazing musician and who has a real heart for worship. Then set up a blind tryout for said friend. If you’re friend truly is amazing, no harm no foul. But if he’s not…you see where I’m going with this. This works even better if your friend plays a really obscure instrument, like the didgeridoo.
If you implement these tactics on a consistent basis, there’s a good chance you can drive your worship leader out of his mind. And when he goes crazy, you’ll be there to fill the gap with your dance moves and tambourine.