The Most Awkward Bible Stories To Teach To Kids

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Father Abraham, faithful David, brave Esther, preaching prophets, missionary Paul, parting waters, boasting giants, storms, battles, miracles – the Bible is loaded with amazing stories we love to teach to children. Sunday school teachers have an arsenal of lessons and characters they can offer with the graham crackers and apple juice.

The wonderful thing about the Bible is that it is very uncensored. The story of redemption is very real. But this definitely presents some difficulty when teaching the Bible to kids.

But there are a few stories that never make it on the flannel graph. For obvious reasons. Here are eight of the most awkward Bible stories to teach to children.

The Flood

The Lord told Noah to build Him an arkie, arkie. The animals came by twosies, twosies. What fun! But there’s a reason we stop at this point in the story. As soon as that door closes, it becomes a scene out of Quentin Tarantino movie. “Let’s sing a song about all the cute little bunnies and puppies and EVERYONE DYING!” What a fun ditty about a floating wooden box containing a few people and animals trying to avoid the mass destruction of all living things. It was the original apocalyptic “last man on earth” story, not a floating petting zoo. And pay no attention to all the floating corpses!

Circumcision

And the Lord told Abraham he would be blessed with offspring greater than the sand on the shore and they would bless all the people of world and to . . . do what to all the men in his household? Can’t we annihilate some pagans or kill some cows or burn some idols or something? We’ll even take care of Sodom and Gomorrah for you! Does it have to be that? Are we sure can’t go back to Ur? I imagine that was an awkward conversation between Abraham and Sarah. “Sarah, I’m going to be out of commission for a couple weeks.”

The Second Half of Genesis

Usually when teachers get to the second half of Genesis it’s basically “And Jacob was faithful man who died. Oh look! A coat of many colors! Then Joseph saved everyone and they all lived happily ever after, the end.” Teaching the second half of Genesis is like walking through your kids’ toy room in the dark after they played with Legos – you are bound to step on something painful. If you’re up for a challenge see if you can navigate the lies, the circumcision, the rape, the circumcision, the incest, the circumcision, the seduction, the circumcision, the adultery, the circumcision, and so on. Genesis should come with a PG-13 rating, possibly R.

Ehud and Eglon

If you want to win the hearts of elementary school boys this is the story to do it, complete with fat jokes, spy stuff, violence, and poop. Which is precisely why most teachers pretend it doesn’t exist. Ehud, one of Israel’s judges kills Eglon, an oppressive king “who was a very fat man” by stabbing him through his enormous belly with a short sword at which point he he lost total control of his bowels. This was literally the crap hitting the fan. Eglon was so fat that the sword completely disappeared inside his belly. (Imagine if Princess Leia had stabbed Jabba the Hutt instead of choking him.) Ehud made his escape while Eglon’s servants left the king alone thinking he was using the John. Light a match, Eglon. Light a match.

Jael and Sisera

The tale of Sisera, an invading general, and Jael, an Israelite woman, is more Game of Thrones than Sunday school. Sisera is invited into Jael’s tent to hide from pursuing Israelite forces. She gives him a place to rest and something to drink and promises to keep an eye out for anyone dangerous. And then while he’s asleep she takes a tent stake and pounds it through his head into the ground. How do you explain that one to kids? “Well kids, then Jael…she…knocked him on the head and…he didn’t wake up in the morning.” You have to wonder if, when the pursuer caught up, they made any jokes like “We’ve got him pinned down now, boys!” or “We really nailed that guy!”

The Virgin Birth

So peaceful, so perfect, such a beautiful moment with a shining star. The cattle are lowing, the shepherds bowing. Sweet Mary is holding her precious baby, the King of the universe, wrapped in swaddling cloths. Ah, Christmas!

“Dad, what’s a virgin?” “Well, honey, that means, um, well, OH LOOK COOKIES!”

Turns out Christmas provides an annual opportunity to have a conversation about the birds and the bees too.

Judas “Hangs” Himself

Acts: a safe book, a book of the mission of God to establish his church, a book of missionary journeys and miracles. Oh, and a book of bursting bodies and entrails splattering on the ground. Luke starts off his historical account with a lovely rendition of how Judas took his own life. Nothing to see here, kids. Lets move on to tongues of fire and thousands being saved.

Paul’s Sincerest Wish For the Judaizers

Apparently some people, the Judaizers, so loved the act and idea of circumcision they wanted gentile believers to get in on the fun too. How thoughtful! Let’s all get in on the fun! Paul didn’t think so. He suggested a course of action for them that was, well, it’s best to let him explain in his own words. “As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!” Anyone out there want a shot at explaining that one to a room of middle schoolers? “Kids, it’s like circumcision, only way worse. And yes, there are things worse than circumcision.”

 

A Solid Worldview Won’t Save My Kids

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If you hang out in Christian circles for more than ten minutes, you’ll inevitably hear someone talk about ‘worldview’. Christian parents, particularly those in the homeschool / private school / unschool / charter school vein, are intensely passionate about giving their children a biblical worldview which helps their children understand themselves, the world, and all of history in light of Scripture. Abraham Kuyper, the patron saint of Christian worldview, famously said, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, Mine!”

This quote, which is recited approximately 12,000 times per year by conservative Christians, is the anthem and impulse for the worldview camp.

And I’m in no way opposed to having a biblical worldview. I think it’s crucial. Heck, I even went to “Worldview Academy”, which is kind of like a summer camp, except instead of swimming in lakes and going on hikes, we sat in a classroom and dissected the various flaws of evolutionary theory. Going to Worldview Academy officially qualifies me as the most homeschooled homeschooler.

But the older I get, the more I realize that it’s not enough to give my children a biblical worldview. I’ve seen too many of my childhood friends grow up to reject the biblical worldview that was so furiously drummed into them as children. I’ve seen too many people make choices that they know are in direct contradiction to the worldview they embraced for so many years. I’ve seen too many train wrecks to think that worldview alone is enough.

Worldview is important, but it’s only one part of the equation. A biblical worldview helps a person think correctly. But we are not purely intellectual beings. We don’t operate solely based on ideas and thoughts. We are flesh and blood, with passions, desires, and longings. We feel things deeply and desire things strongly. Our intellects and desires are intricately interwoven, interacting with and informing each other.

If I’m going to be an effective, godly parent, I need to appeal to my kids affections as much as their intellects. They need to see that the Bible makes sense, but they also need to see that Jesus is supremely delightful. As James K. A. Smith says in his helpful book Desiring The Kingdom:

What if the primary work of education was the transforming of our imagination rather than the saturation of our intellect? And what if this had as much to do with our bodies as with our minds?

The goal of my parenting must be that my children would come to fully believe Psalm 16:11, which says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Satan, sin, and the flesh always attack both the intellect and the affections. When Satan tempted Eve, he encouraged her to disbelieve God (intellect), and also pointed out to her how desirable the fruit was (affections). When Satan tempted Jesus to turn stones into bread, he appealed to his identity as the Messiah (intellect) and his hunger (affections).

The reality is: the mind can only stand against the affections for so long before it gives out. If my kids are going to stand against the allure of sexual impurity, I can’t simply tell them about all the negative consequences of premarital sex. I need to also dazzle them with the all-satisfying beauty of Christ. If my kids are going to stand against materialism, I can’t simply tell them that money is the root of all evil. I need to also show them that Christ is the pearl of great price.

Family devotions can’t be just about information. They also need to be about inspiration. I want my kids to know that there is good evidence that the resurrection is a historical reality. I also want my kids to know that Jesus is real, and he lives within me, and he gives me supernatural power, and he gives me more joy than anything else.

Worldview is important, but I can’t rest with simply teaching my kids how to think. I need to also show them the surpassing joy of knowing Christ. I want my kids to understand at a visceral level that Jesus is sweet and sin is bitter. Good thinking is necessary, but good feeling is just as, if not more important.

Confessions Of A Hardcore Homeschooler

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I was homeschooled before it was cool to be homeschooled. Actually, I don’t know if it’s currently considered “cool” to be homeschooled, but it’s certainly much more accepted now than it was twenty years ago, especially now that there are 23 different flavors and varieties of homeschooling (homeschool, unschool, charter school, uncharted school, etc.) And I was a pureblood, kindergarten through 12th grade homeschooler, as opposed to those hybrid, mudblood (see: Harry Potter), public school turned homeschooled people. I learned to sing, spell, read, and write, I taught myself Algebra, and I took a lot of “field trips” (when you’re homeschooled, basically anything can count for a field trip). So yeah, I know a thing or two about homeschooling.

I used to think homeschooling was the way to do school. You know, the divinely designed method of schooling. And although I wouldn’t quite come out and say it, I kinda looked down on parents who didn’t homeschool. Why? Because I was a self-righteous idiot who drank a lot of his own awesome sauce.

Then I made a few discoveries that changed my mind regarding the issue of schooling.

I discovered that the Bible doesn’t specify how a child is supposed to be educated. The Bible is very specific on the principles of raising children and very vague regarding the specific practices of raising children.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 says:

You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

The principle is clear: I’m supposed to take every opportunity to teach my children about the Lord. Talk to my kids when they’re at home, when we’re traveling, when we’re waking up, and when we’re going to sleep. I’m supposed to raise up my children in the way of the Lord. That’s the big, overarching principle.

In his wisdom, God doesn’t specify exactly how a parent is to teach their children. Throughout the centuries, the principles never change, but the way those principles are practiced will change. The Israelites lived in an agrarian society. The teaching that took place between parents and children revolved around the rhythms of planting and harvesting. I don’t live in an agrarian society, and so the way I apply the principle of Deuteronomy 11 will look different than it did for the Israelites. I’m not doing much “walking in the way,” these days, but I do drive around a lot with my kids.

The principle remains the same: teach your kids to know the Lord. The practice will look different across societies and cultures and centuries. The way a poor Chinese family teaches their children about the Lord is going to look very different from the way a middle-class family in Boise, Idaho does it, and that’s okay.

When I insisted that homeschooling was the way to educate kids, I was going beyond the clear teaching of Scripture. I was taking a good principle and turning it into a legalistic law. Bad things happen when I add to the word of God.

I also discovered that homeschooling didn’t always produce stellar Christian kids. I know a lot of kids who were homeschooled. I know a lot of kids who went to public school. I know kids that went to Christian schools. Some of my homeschooled friends are walking with the Lord and some are addicted to drugs. Some of my friends who went to public school are pillars in the local church and some are atheists. Some of my friends who went to Christian schools are on fire for Jesus and some think Christianity is a lie.

Turns out that homeschooling isn’t the golden ticket of salvation. Only Jesus can give someone salvation. Homeschooling is not an educational funnel that leads to the kingdom of God. Only the Holy Spirit can make a dead heart come alive.

I’m not one of those angsty adults who is vehemently opposed to everything in his childhood. I’m not anti-homeschooling at all. Even though my daughter goes to public school, I’m still a big fan of homeschooling. It has some great benefits. If you homeschool, good for you.

It do strongly believe that insisting on a particular education method is harmful to the church and runs contrary to God’s word. When we insist on a certain practice, we create an “in” crowd and an “out” crowd, with those who are in being more “spiritual” than those who are out. When we take principles and turn them into hard and fast practices, we make the commands of Jesus burdensome.

God doesn’t do “in” and “out”. In Christ, we’re all in, and that’s good news. Let’s not mess with God’s good news.

The Beauty and Brutality Of Adoption

The Kluck Family

The Kluck Family

This post was written by my friend, Ted Kluck.?Ted is the award-winning author of several books, including ?Hello, I Love You: Adventures in Adoptive Fatherhood? (Moody Publishing) and ?Household Gods: Freed From the Worship of Family to Delight in the Glory of God? (NavPress).

?The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will.?

We packed our bags, emptied our bank accounts, went into what would later become crippling debt, and took off for Kiev, Ukraine, with the above piece of questionable theology rattling around in our young, idealistic heads. God was going to put out for us, because we were putting out for God. It sounded like a pretty good deal to me and is pretty much the functional centerpiece of many man-centered, Arminian, ?prosperity? theological schools of thought. How could God hurt such great people who would willingly volunteer to adopt abroad before even trying to have biological kids? We were middle-class heroes!

With stacks of hundreds strapped around my waist, I disembarked on Ukrainian soil, where I would, as it turned out, disembark several more times before my adoption of our oldest son Tristan was a done deal. Our agency referred to it as ?the toughest? adoption in the history of the Ukraine program…shortly before closing the Ukraine program.

I felt like Rocky getting off the plane in Siberia, just before his fight with Drago in ?Rocky IV.? I felt the cold air, the cold stares, and the pervasive gray skies and lack of sunshine. People were decidedly unfriendly, about which I remember thinking, ?Don’t they know what a great thing it is that we’re doing?? And also, ?Why isn’t God making this easier??

Before returning to American soil with Tristan we would, in no particular order:

  • Be held at gunpoint by Ukrainian cops.
  • Be told that our paperwork was wrong just before being told that we could alleviate this ?problem? by purchasing a new printer for the office of a government official.
  • Become violently ill the morning that the adoption was supposed to be finalized, resulting in me vomiting all over our facilitator’s new Mercedes (poetic justice for the printer scam above?) and then again all over the steps of the American embassy in Kiev.
  • Buy medicine for his entire orphanage in an attempt to stave off the pneumonia that was sweeping through the facility.
  • Dance to a Busta Rhymes song in a Ukrainian bar.
  • Ride a bus for 18 straight hours sitting in front of a gigantic Ukrainian man with a walrus moustache snoring behind us the whole way.
  • Not kill the aforementioned guy.
  • Be so sick that I took a shot in the backside in a dark alley in Kiev ? a shot which immediately made me feel better and that, to this day, I still don’t know the contents of. Right before the shot, our facilitator did the thing with the syringe where she expressed a little bit of the fluid out the top and then flicked it a couple of times with her finger. It was just like the movies.
  • Be driven overnight to Poland by a guy who looked just like Patrick Swayzee in ?Roadhouse.?

All of that to say, international adoption is not always like the Facebook pictures make it out to be, meaning that it’s not just you surrounded by a bunch of smiling little orphans ? all of whom will be taken home by you, and all of whom will love you forever.

So what happened to the ?center of God’s will being the safest place to be?? Truth be told, if we believe scripture to be true (and we do), it was probably (at least in the world’s economy) never a real safe place to be. See: Peter (hung upside-down on a cross) and James (beheaded). See: Stephen?(stoned to death). See: Paul, who while writing half the New Testament also endured all manner of hardship and trial.

What we were beginning to learn in Ukraine, but wouldn’t fully learn until much later, was this: A life of humble and broken obedience to a loving, trustworthy, and sovereign Lord won’t be without trial and pain, but also won’t be random, arbitrary and meaningless.

Moses was in the ?center of God’s will,? but his people needed to keep learning these lessons the hard way. I would much rather be in that position than in Pharoah’s, who was having his heart hardened by the trials that God sent his way (through Moses).

Much of what happened to us seemed random, arbitrary and meaningless. But it was for the twofold greater purpose of a.) getting Tristan home with us and b.) making us into the kind of people who could have a shot at not ruining Tristan in the long run. God (and our kids) needed us to be humble and broken before Him. He needed us to stop complaining and start trusting. He needed us to see beyond the pain of our immediate circumstances and see His faithfulness.

Lord, Teach Me To Treasure This Craziness, Because I Know I’m Going To Miss It

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Last night I heard my four year old daughter say (and I quote), “That is not poop, girlfriend.”

Honestly, I have no idea what the heck she was talking about, but the quote struck me as extremely funny. It struck me as funny that my four year old would use the word “girlfriend”, and that she would use the word alongside the word “poop”. In some ways, I feel like that sentence is representative of my family life right now: sorta crazy, sorta hilarious, a lot of fun, pretty exhausting, and always perplexing.

Every night, after my final child is ushered into her?bed, I feel like running victory laps around the house. I made it to the end of the day, and?I can finally have a few short hours to myself. A few hours when I can breathe. When I can stop worrying about whether Gwendolyn is drinking a bottle of Windex. When I can stop playing referee / judge / jury / executioner between Charis and Ella. When Jen and I can have a conversation that doesn’t sound like a really bad Skype call, with constant breaks and interruptions. When I’m not immersed in “My Little Pony” world.

And the thing about little girls is that they talk. A lot. Like non-stop, breathe-in-talk-out, a lot. I grew up in a predominately male household, and so this whole idea of using words to communicate ideas is kind of new to me. It’s also kind of exhausting.

There are many days when I wish things weren’t so crazy. When I wish the girls would grow up a little bit. When I wish that my home life didn’t revolve around potty training and breaking up girl fights and learning the names of every single pony on My Little Pony. When I wish that I had more me time.

But I’m becoming increasingly aware that life moves way too fast. My oldest is now seven. Seven?!? When the heck did she turn seven? Where did my little peanut go? Now I’ve got a little girl who is losing teeth and doing homework and telling me about the ears on a horned owl.

Each day crawls by, but each year blows by me like a hurricane.

I want God to help me treasure the craziness and delight in the insanity. In my craving for peace and rest, I don’t want to miss all the delights that come with this season of my life. My life is full of blessing, if I only have the eyes to see it.

  • Charis still giving?me a kiss when I drop her off at school.
  • The slight smell of spit that always accompanies thumb-sucking Ella.
  • Gwendolyn’s delightful obssession with making sure she opens the front door for me when I go to work.
  • All my girls dancing?like nobody’s watching when we listen to “Happy” by Pharrell.
  • Gwendolyn singing “He’s Got The Whole World” in his hands, and doing the accompanying hand motions.
  • Charis coming home from school and proudly announcing that she got to be on the color purple for scoring high on a test at school (whatever that means).

I know that it won’t be long before my girls are entering middle school, then high-school, then college. I want to treasure these crazy, insane days, because I know I’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Lord, teach me to number my days. Teach me to treasure each day that I have, and to see every day as a sacred gift. Teach me to treasure my three little crazies. Teach me to delight in all their quirks and peculiarities. Teach me to embrace the loudness and laughter. Give me eyes to see the innumerable blessings that surround me. Kill the impatience and craving for comfort that so often eats away at my joy.?

I have 10,000 reasons to bless you, and three of them take up most of my time. Teach me to treasure them.?

What I’ll Tell My Daughters About Modesty

Photo by Violette79

Photo by Violette79

I have three daughters, the oldest of whom is seven, so we haven’t had to spend a whole lot of time talking about modesty. Yet. But I know without a doubt that the time is coming when we will be having many, many discussions about modesty. How do I know this time is coming? Because our culture is becoming increasingly comfortable with a highly sexualized version of womanhood. The pornification of society is showing up everywhere, from Miley Cyrus performing in front a national audience, to the magazines that show up in grocery stores. As my daughters grow older, they will be increasingly encouraged to use their bodies in ways which don’t please the Lord.

So what will I say to my daughters when I talk to them about modesty? Instead of presenting them with a lengthy list of rules and checklists, I hope to keep things pretty straightforward. I’ll tell them that modesty is a way of life?in which they seek to honor God?and serve others?with their bodies.

MODESTY IS A WAY OF LIFE

When it comes to modesty, it’s easy to gravitate toward one of two extremes. One one end are those who say that modesty doesn’t matter at all (see Miley, Beyonce, et all). On the other end are those who try to codify modesty into a set of very precise directives (skirts must be at least one inch below the knee, tank tops are strictly forbidden, etc.). I would venture to say that those of us in the church tend to gravitate toward the precise directives end of the scale. In an effort to keep our daughters from immodesty, we are tempted to prescribe all sorts of laws about what clothes can and cannot look like.

While I certainly want to help my daughters think through their wardrobe choices, I want them to understand that modesty is, most importantly, a way of life. True modesty is a heart disposition before it is a particular wardrobe choice. A woman with a modest heart is first and foremost concerned about serving the Lord and serving others. She will certainly make particular wardrobe choices, but those choices will flow out of a heart attitude rather than a set of arbitrary rules.

The reality is, my daughters could follow all my rules for modesty and yet still behave in a way that is both sexually alluring and sexually immoral. This is why Peter writes:

Do not let your adorning be external ? the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear ? but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God?s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-5)

Peter understands that modesty is, above all else, something that is internal rather than external. If my instruction regarding modesty focuses primarily on creating rules or checklists for my daughters, than I’ve failed as a dad. I want them to understand that modesty is a way of living before God. Modesty is about God before it is about them.

MODESTY IS ABOUT SERVING GOD

In the midst of all the confusion about what articles of clothing are too short, or too tight, or too revealing, it’s easy to forget that modesty is primarily about serving God.

God created each of my daughters, and he gave each of them a wonderful, female body. Because God created my daughters, they belong to him. Their bodies belong to Him, and their bodies are to be used in ways which honor and please him. Lord willing, each of my daughters will grow up and marry a godly man (I don’t want to think of that day!). When one my daughters gets married, she will give herself fully (including her body) to her husband (and vice versa). She will present herself to her husband in ways that are sexually delightful to him. God is so very pleased when a man and wife present themselves to each other in sexually alluring ways. With all our emphasis on concealing the body, we can inadvertently make it sound like sex is a bad thing. It’s not! Sex is a God thing when it takes place in the context of marriage.

As my daughters get older, I want to help them understand that they are only to present themselves as sexually alluring to their husbands. Any other attempts to be sexually alluring are not honoring to God.

So does this mean that I will only let my daughters wear frumpy sweaters and ratty jeans until they get married? Absolutely not! Beauty is a gift from God, and I want my daughters to highlight that gift without flaunting the gift. I want them to present themselves to the world as beautiful, feminine, smart, and attractive, without?being intentionally sexually alluring. How will we achieve such a balance? I don’t know yet! Achieving such a delicate balance obviously requires some serious, Proverbs-like wisdom, which can only be obtained through large doses of Scripture and a whole lot of prayer.

MODESTY IS ABOUT SERVING OTHERS

I don’t care what people say – the reality is that if a woman dresses in a way that reveals significant portions of her body, it will tempt most men to lust after her. To quote Bruce Hornsby, “That’s just the way it is, some things will never change.” I’m not commenting on whether this reality is good or evil, I’m simply stating the facts. Anyone who argues those facts doesn’t know men very well.

With this reality in mind, modesty becomes a way of serving others. Modesty is a way of treating others as we desire to be treated. Modesty is a way of demonstrating Christ-like love, which puts the interests of others above our own interests. All of which matters very much to Jesus.

Before I talk to my daughters about necklines or the length of shorts, I want to help them cultivate a desire to serve their fellow brothers in Christ. Yes, I realize that last sentence sounds totally sexist and misogynistic, but I don’t know any other way to put it. As Christians, we live in community with each other, and our actions directly effect those around us. The way my daughters dress really will effect those around them. Causing someone else to be tempted is serious business to Jesus. In Matthew 18:6 he says:

…but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Before anything else, modesty is about serving others. It is about sacrificing our own personal preferences for the sake of those around us.

CONCLUSION

Will I talk to my daughters about specific items in their wardrobe? Sure. It’s inevitable. But I want my daughters to see that individual wardrobe choices are part of a much bigger picture. I want them to understand that the clothes they wear in this life echo into eternity. I want them to understand that modesty isn’t just dad flipping out over a shirt that is too tight, but rather, is about using their bodies to bring maximum honor and glory to God. Will I get this right every time? Of course not! I desperately need God’s grace and wisdom to navigate this issue.

I’m confident he will supply me with all I need.

I Don’t Remember Chemistry And I’m Not Homeless

Is it just me or is there a lot of pressure on parents to provide their children with the absolute perfect environment for growth? We are told that our children need to be breast fed, need listen to classical music, need to be able to read by age four, need to play sports, need to play an instrument, need to be involved in theater, need to know Latin, need to experience the world broadly, need to understand various philosophical arguments, need lots of friends, need solitude, need to be nurtured, need tough love, and on and on and on. If we don’t provide these things for our children their growth will be stunted and they may end up as a hobo or drug dealer.

Talk about a lot of pressure! Who can possibly do all these things? I certainly can’t.

But is it possible we’re setting the bar too high for ourselves and our children? That maybe we’re getting a little carried away? And that maybe, just maybe, we’re going beyond what God requires of us as parents?

Let me be honest, I don’t remember much from my many years of schooling. And don’t get me wrong, I did pretty well in school. I don’t say this to brag (because honestly I’m not too impressed) but I graduated from college Suma Cum Laude with a 4.0 GPA. I was very good at gaming standardized tests.

Yet despite my decent performance in school I don’t remember much. I can’t remember all the elements on the periodic table. I can’t remember all the countries in Africa even though I was forced to memorize them. I can’t remember who was the governor of Massachussets in 1843 even though I took Advanced Placement History. I think James Madison wrote the Federalist Papers but I’m not sure. The only Latin phrase I know is “Carpe Diem” and I got that from the movie?Dead Poet’s Society. I never played lacrosse or took part in a school play.

Let me tell you what I do remember.

I remember coming downstairs every morning and seeing my dad reading his Bible.

I remember all the times I went fishing with my dad.

I remember all the music we jammed out to as a family, including Billy Joel, Sting, The Beatles, dc Talk, and Peter Gabriel. The constant presence of music in our house gave me a love for music as well as a biblical framework to interpret music.

I remember my mom and dad’s constant, appropriate physical affection. I remember that they always told me how much they loved me. I remember sitting in church and feeling my mom’s loving hand on my back.

I remember our morning family devotions even though I often fell asleep during those devotions.

I remember seeing my dad serve my mom when she was battling depression. He made dinners, did dishes, and cleaned up after us.

I remember totaling my parents car and neither of them getting angry at me.

I remember my dad telling me he didn’t care what career I chose as long as I followed Jesus.

I remember all the fun books we read together as a family, which in turn instilled a passion for reading and learning in me.

Education and extracurricular activities are good and important. But maybe they’re not as important as we think. What’s most important is that we teach our children to love Jesus, love others, and be servants. If they know Latin, great. But if not it’s really okay.

Don’t feel guilty for falling short of your own unrealistic, extra-biblical standards. There are only a few things in life which really, really matter. Focus on those things and the rest will fall into place.

+original photo by?pedrosimoes7

Dad’s, Sing Like You Mean It Because Your Kids Are Watching

[This was written by a man in my church named Keith McCracken. May we be inspired by the example of Keith’s father.]

My father was a wonderfully eccentric man. He was a quick witted recluse and a virtual Picasso of mechanicalia. He worked third shift (11:00PM to 7:00AM) for 37 years (without missing a day or ever being late) so as to avoid having his talents ?supervised into obscurity.? To most people outside of his family he was hard to understand and blissfully unconcerned with anyone else?s opinion of him. But despite all of that he was very overt about his faith in, and love for, our Savior Jesus Christ.

Though I hold many cherished memories of him, perhaps the most vivid was his excitement over singing certain hymns. By all accounts he possessed at best an ?average? voice when it comes to uniqueness and tonal quality. But he sang his favorites with a conviction that was beyond convincing and was by far one of the loudest and most joyful voices in a congregation of approximately 350. I remember looking up at him and ?checking him out? while he was singing? ?Is he for real?? I would wonder. When he would catch me looking at him he would simply ?lock-eyes? with me and sing all the louder while he broadened his grin to match proportion with his pleasure.

He wouldn?t just sing hymns at church either. I can think of many times when the two of us would be welding up a go-kart frame or swapping an engine on a Saturday afternoon and he would spontaneously break into a hymn. In my teens and early twenties I actually found it annoying given the perplexity of some of the situations we would be deep into. But then again I would eventually come around and sing with him anyway. I just never managed to muster the joy he got out of it. I didn?t think about it then but I can see clearly now that he was blessing me with rich God honoring doctrine. That he was lovingly cramming truth into my psyche that would not return void in my soul.

The now heart-softening aspect of these memories is that I am standing here in my church singing these same time impervious truths in front of my children. I catch them looking up at me and I wonder if I am anywhere near as good an example as he was. I get caught up and overwhelmed when I recognize the blessing that God had granted me in an earthly father. How diligent Dad was to bless me in an eternal way without ever making a point to tell me that he was doing it.

Jack McCracken passed away on March 9th of 2010 from pancreatic cancer. The last day I saw him alive was March 8th. We were alone and I was brutally tired from all that had preceded. He could not speak or even open his eyes but the nurses assured me that he could hear so I just prayed for him and encouraged him to trust in Jesus and look for him to come soon. When my nephew arrived I felt comforted that dad would not be alone and I decided to return to my parents? house and get some rest. I asked my nephew for just a few moments alone with dad and I grasped his hand firmly, kissed his forehead and said: ?You did a fantastic job as my father and I am so glad I got to be your son. Thank you for taking me to church. But more importantly thank you for going to church and being joyful there. Thank you for singing like you meant every word? You have no idea how that still affects me? I love you dad.

I stepped back and whistled a ?call? he had taught me when I was very young. It would not have been discernible to anyone in a crowd but it meant ?I am right behind you? and ?I am coming.? I hugged my nephew and thanked him for coming then drove to my parent?s home. Three hours later I was awakened by a phone call from my nephew telling me that ?Grampa was gone.? I slumped back into my chair. I wept bitterly. Then I cried out to God for comfort and without much thought I began singing one of Dads favorite hymns??Jesus paid it all.? As I was singing I began to hear Dad?s voice singing with me? Not as any kind of haunting specter or communion with the dead kind of thing. Much more like a perfect echo? I began to envision his face and felt like I was a little kid again looking up at him. His grin was broadening and his voice was getting louder. I began to thank God over and over for the gift he had given me in my earthly father and the gift of salvation that he had granted to both dad and I. I just laid on the floor and prayed then cried, then sang then prayed some more. I have no idea how long I spent in that state but I can tell you that God granted me peace through it.

Now almost two years later I am still unable to sing a lot of those ?old-Baptist? tunes without experiencing the ?echo? of my father. I count it a privilege to sing these rich truths in tribute to the one true God; but I also experience the benefit of knowing I am fulfilling the scriptural command to honor my earthly father as well.

I decided to write this all out first as a means of expressing for myself what is sometimes difficult to verbalize. And secondly as a means of encouragement to the fathers in this church. Please sing like you mean it on Sunday morning. I am not asking you to ?fake? anything? but rather embrace the very meaning these songs were written for. Seek to express your joy in your Savior Jesus Christ by singing in response to what he has done for you, and in agreement with the truths imbedded in these songs. Neither am I encouraging you to do this specifically for your children?s benefit but first for yourselves with the added comfort of knowing how much it will affect your children. I am simply encouraging you to worship in spirit and in truth. Sing strong because that is what God wants from you. Trust God to bless your children with the echo.

Dad Convinces His Kids That Ewoks Are Real

Yes, I think that it’s wrong that he lied to his kids. And no, I wouldn’t recommend doing this. But still, this is definitely better than telling your kids that Santa is real. Anthony Herrera says:

Being the Star Wars geek that I am (so is she), I told her that this is where the Ewoks live. She spent a good chuck of our time hiking keeping a lookout for any Ewoks. Coming home I can’t say that she wasn’t disappointed that we didn’t find any. I had to explain that they are extremely shy and hardly ever let anyone see them. After we got home, and after I had a little time alone with the photos, I told her I thought I saw something strange in a few pictures. We viewed them on the TV to get a larger image. You can imagine how surprised and excited she was when we discovered that we didn’t see any Ewoks, but they saw us, and had certainly taken an interest in her and her little brother. Maybe I’m a little wrong for lying to her and falsifying the pictures, but I don’t care. She’ll never forget the time she spent in the big woods with Ewoks.

Here’s one of the pictures he came up with.

(via Gizmodo)

Kanon, the Boy Preaching Wonder

A couple of weeks ago I saw this video of a four year old boy named Kanon preaching. (RSS readers might need to click through the post)

After watching the video, a couple of thoughts came to mind.

This kid is adorable. I love his little Veggie Tales Bible case, and the way he inflects his words like a preacher, and the way he emphasizes words with his hands. It’s really cute. And I understand why his parents are proud of him. Every Christian parent wants to see their children grow up to serve the Lord, and in the case of Kanon, his parents obviously believe that God is working through him.

However, the video is also concerning to me for several reasons. First of all, he’s not really preaching. There were not any biblical truths in the words he said. In fact, I’m not even sure the things he was saying made sense at all. Preaching isn’t simply saying terms from the Bible, such as “Pentecost”, in a loud, preacher-like voice. It is declaring “the whole counsel of God” (Acts 20:27). It is exhorting, encouraging, rebuking, and proclaiming. It is heralding the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Kanon does a very good imitation of a Pentecostal preacher. He’s got the style and the passion. He’s cuter than a bucket full of puppies. And who knows, maybe someday God will use him to preach the Word of God. But preaching is more than just passion and style. It involves proclaiming the truth of God as revealed in the Bible for all to hear. So I don’t believe that Kanon is really preaching. I think that saying that he is preaching is actually harmful, because it tells the world that we don’t take preaching very seriously.

Also, Kanon’s parents and friends seem to be convinced that he is “anointed” by God to preach. I’m not so sure. It seems more likely to me that he is imitating his dad, who is also a Pentecostal preacher. That’s the thing that is tricky about kids who grow up in the church. I’m one of those kids. I grew up knowing the right things to say. I learned how to raise my hands in worship when I was young. I read my Bible from a young age. I learned by watching my parents.

But my life wasn’t really transformed until God got a hold on me and helped me understand the reality gospel. My life didn’t really bear the fruit of the Spirit until I was older. Now don’t get me wrong: I’m not commenting on whether Kanon is or is not a Christian. I really hope that he is, and I believe that children can be saved at a young age. But to put him up on a stage and declare that he is anointed by God to preach seems very premature.

Maybe someday Kanon will storm the world for Jesus. I really hope that happens. But let’s wait and see.