A Guide To Man Points


Several years ago a friend of mine (thanks Dom) introduced me to something I always knew existed but could never put into words: man points. What are man points, you ask?

Each man on planet earth has a manliness quotient. A man can earn man points and add to his manliness quotient by performing acts of manliness, or he can subtract from his quotient by performing unmanly deeds. For example, I recently earned man points by repairing my gas grill. However, during that same period I lost man points by riding my little scooter to Lowes while wearing Crocs to purchase a tool I needed.

Man points are not awarded by an individual. Rather, they are simply woven into the fabric of the universe (don’t ask me how I know all this stuff, I just do).

Some men, such as Russell Crowe, have high manliness quotients, while other men, like Richard Simmons, are on the lower end.

What can a man do to earn man points? While not an exhaustive list, here are some examples:

  • Eat meat from an animal that you personally tracked and killed.
  • Grow a full beard (no shaving the neck allowed).
  • Perform a difficult home repair without the aid of any professional (bonus points if you’re bleeding by the end).
  • Drink a large glass full of raw eggs and then go for a long run; or practice boxing on large sides of beef.
  • Have any of the following nicknames: Mr. Pain, Muscles, King Kong, Piledriver.
  • Continue playing football after breaking or dislocating any appendage (I don’t personally recommend this, but I didn’t invent man point rules).

How does one lose man points? By:

  • Using a Bible cover with a handle that makes it look like a purse.
  • Watching any movie starring Hugh Grant or listening to music by Josh Groban.
  • Driving a Mazda Miata or Volkswagen Beetle.
  • Wearing a turtleneck, overly tight jeans with fake rips in them, or getting hair highlights.

Now, I mean no offense by any of these stipulations. Remember, I didn’t invent these. Don’t argue with me, take it up with the fabric of the universe.

I have two questions. First, would you add anything to my list? Second, for the ladies: Is there such a thing as ‘girl points’, and if so, how do your earn them?

+photo by Shermeee

Stephen Altrogge

I'm a husband, dad, writer. I drink too much coffee and know too much about Star Wars. I created The Blazing Center. I've also written some books which people seem to like. You can follow me on Twitter and Facebook