Ringtone Madness


My wife Kristi is trying to get a new ringtone for her phone.

Her current ringtone is “Beautiful One” by Tim Hughes. ?That?s pretty spiritual. ?It?s a good witnessing tool. ?She?s led several people to the Lord by having someone call her when she was out for coffee with non-Christian friends. ?Who?s the Beautiful One, they ask. ?How can I be saved?

Before she had Beautiful One, she had Coldplay?s ?Lovers in Japan,? which for a 56-year old lady is pretty cool.? Interestingly, several people got saved listening to that one as well. ?Before Coldplay she had Gavin DeGraw?s ?I Don?t Wanna Be? which helped no one spiritually.

But she?s had Beautiful One for a while so she?s perusing the app store in search of something new. At first she tries various lame and annoying buzzers, doorbells and chimes. ?Then she hits on a snappy ringtone that sounds like the Miami Sound Machine – it?s a hot Latin beat that totally fits her age 56 persona. It makes me want to get up and start a conga line on the spot.

I say, ?Kristi, no. ?That?s the kind of ringtone old ladies have. ?They?ll be in Starbucks with a couple friends drinking foo-foo drinks. ?They have their phone volume set on 210. ?One of their phones begins pounding out the salsa beat so loud you can?t hear Mumford and Sons playing in the store, and she acts startled like she?s never heard that strange sound emanating from her purse in her life, she opens it and fumbles around, trying to find the source of those blaring trumpets. ?Finally she locates her phone, pulls it out, tilts their head back and squints through the bottom part of her trifocals.? She holds the phone at arm?s length, pushing assorted buttons, while the Miami Sound Machine keeps blaring until either the caller hangs up or the ringer stops on its own.

So I tell Kristi no Latin pop ?Rhythm is Gonna Get You? songs. ?She keeps looking. ?How about this one? ?She touches her phone and it plays the William Tell Overture, which was the Lone Ranger Theme. ?So who?s calling you, I ask, Tonto?

She tries a few others. ?Several hip hop songs. ?No Kristi, you don?t want a hip hop song. ?How about this, she asks and plays ?The Way It Is? by Bruce Hornsby. ?I love Bruce Hornsby – he was one of the few decent things to come out of the 80?s (the decade music died) along with the Police. ?Ok I say, get that one. ?At least she doesn?t want something by Foreigner or Journey.

She keeps looking though and winds up with ?Light of the Morning? by Band of Skulls.

I tell her to crank up the volume and stick it in her purse. ?Let?s go to Starbucks and hope somebody calls you.

photo by david.nikonvscanon

Mark Altrogge

I’m a pastor at Saving Grace Church in Indiana, PA. I’m married to Kristi, have 5 kids, and a growing number of grandkids. I enjoy songwriting, oil painting and coffee, not necessarily in that order.