A Memo From God to Stephen RE: Universalism


TO: Stephen

RE: Universal Salvation Plan

It has come to my attention that, in your weaker moments, there are times when you wonder if there could have been some other way of salvation other than through Jesus Christ, perhaps something less exclusive and less “harsh”, you might say. In light of these “difficulties”, I would like to invite you to submit your own plan of salvation to me. This will give you the opportunity to tell me how you would do things if you were God.

Please make sure that your salvation plan includes all of the items. Anything less will be considered insufficient.

1) Satisfaction of my infinite justice. Your salvation plan must include a way to satisfy my infinite justice and righteousness. Make sure that my justice is satisfied for all the billions of massive sins committed by humanity, such as holocaust, rape, murder, genocide, and sex trafficking, as well as all the billions of “minor” sins of committed by humanity, such as cursing, grumbling, worry, and materialism. Your salvation plan must include full payment and atonement for all these wicked deeds.

2) Satisfaction of my infinite love. In addition to satisfying my justice, your salvation plan must include a way of satisfying my infinite love. Even though every man and woman has engaged in all out war against me, I love them with a love deeper than you could ever imagine. Your salvation plan must encompass the depths of my love and demonstrate to the world that I love them oh so very much.

3) The undoing of all evil. In case you haven’t noticed, the world that I made has been seriously messed up, and you and your fellow humans are responsible. You might not be able to hear it, but creation is groaning right now, waiting for redemption. Your salvation plan better include a way to satisfy the groanings of creation and to undo all the evil that has been unleashed on the world. You must repair the broken relationships, bring harmony between creation and humanity, and ultimately restore things to the way I originally intended.

4) The transformation of sinners. Please be sure that your salvation plan includes a way for people who hate me to be instantly transformed into people that love me. Make sure that this transformation occurs apart from anything they could possibly do.

5) The mixing of the sacred and the profane. Your salvation plan must include a way to bring together the incredibly sacred (ME!) and the incredibly profane (YOU!). When others have tried this in the past, things haven’t gone so well. Remember Nadab and Abihu? You need to do better than them or you will end up being consumed by holy fire.

?6) The preservation of my glory. This is crucially important. In all elements of your salvation plan, I must get all the glory. Humans cannot get one drop of glory or credit in salvation. If they do, the whole thing is off. Because I am God, I get the glory. Have I made myself clear?

These are the first six requirements of the salvation plan. Once you have submitted a plan that adequately meets all these requirements, I will send you the next six, and so on. Please submit your plan by next Friday. I look forward to seeing your proposed solution.

FROM: Stephen

TO: God

RE: Universal Salvation Plan

I now shut my mouth.

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