Naming a church used to be so easy. If you were the first Baptist church in town, you were “First Baptist Church” (notice how you never see a “Second Baptist Church”?). Assemblies of God churches were all called, creatively enough, “Assemblies of God” (or some variation). In the past, naming a church was a pretty straightforward venture.
But as it says in Proverbs, “The times, they are a-changing” (that’s in The Message I think).
Naming your church is now a complex process involving many different factors. But don’t freak out. I’m here to help. After many years of scientific research, funded by a special grant from the Lifeway Acts 29 Coalition For The Gospel, I have created the ultimate guide to naming your church.
When naming your church, you must consider these crucial factors.
THE CLASS FACTOR
Just how classy do you want your church to be? When people come into your church, do you want them to think, This reminds me of that time I shopped in Saks Fifth Avenue? If class is your game, you’ve got two different options. You can go with a “Classic Class” (patent pending) name, such as Tenth Avenue Presbyterian or Coral Ridge Presbyterian, or you can go with a “Gaudy Class”™ name, such as “The Crystal Cathedral”. Just remember, if you choose a “Gaudy Class” name, you will be required to contribute to a “love offering”® each week.
THE COOL FACTOR
If you have a tattoo and/or metal studs in your ears, you’re going to want to choose a name that reflects your “cool” personality. Choosing a cool name is simpler than you might think. Simply purchase a snowboard catalog, open up to any page, and choose three random words.
If things go smoothly, you’ll have a name like “Element Metallic Church”, “Catalyst Excalibur Church”, or “Encounter Firebrand 360 Church”.
THE AUTHENTICITY FACTOR
Authenticity is all the rage these days, which means your name must be appropriately authentic. Creating an authentic name is a journey, and that journey begins at Whole Foods.
Find the aisles that correspond to the month, day, and last two digits of the year you were born. Select one item from each of these aisles. You now have your church name. This failsafe process has given birth to “Shade Grown Biotic GMO-Free Church” and “Raw Watercrest Church”.
THE TOUGHNESS FACTOR
Maybe you want your church to appeal to outdoorsy people. You plan on using Clif Bars and Red Bull for your communion elements. If so, you need a name that connotes toughness and strength. You need a name that will appeal to rock climbers and mountain bikers.
Consider using any of the following words in your name:
- terra nova
- the rock (not the actor)
- victory lap
- mountain top
Personally, I like “Crossfire Church of the Terra Nova”.
The Mystical Factor
If mysticism is your thing, you’re going to want to select an ethereal sounding name that could also potentially be a location in Game of Thrones. Basically, you want people to think they may be breaking into another, more-Celtic world when they step into your church.
The following names would be appropriate:
- Trine Church of the Mosaic
- St. Patrick’s Church of the Navajo
- Church of the Foggy Moors
- Spiritual Highlands Gathering Place
The Old Testament Factor
Despite the fact that we are New Testament Christians, you may want your church to harken back to the good old days of the Mosaic Law. Yes, we are under the Covenant of Grace, but your church name can still remind people of good ol’ Mount Sinai.
Consider using any of the following names:
- First Tabernacle Holiness Temple
- Holy Church of Moses Who Believes In Jesus
- Mt. Sinai Dispensational Grace Church
Yes, naming a church can be difficult. Yes, if you choose the wrong name you could cost people their salvation. But don’t sweat. By using the simple principles outlined above, you can choose the perfect name for your church.