Once your kids begin attending youth group, they’ll have all sorts of new ideas about what is cool. In order to stay relevant, missional, incarnational, and fresh for them, you will need to update your standards on what it means to be cool.
As one who is tremendously humble yet always on the bleeding edge of cool, I’m here to serve. I’ve compiled this simple, easy-to-follow guide that will allow you to quickly become the raddest dad since 1984. Suddenly, all the kids will be wanting to hang at YOUR pad (a cool word meaning “house”).
Tip #1: Update Your Language
If you drop your kids off at youth group and say things, “Gee golly kids, have a swell time tonight!” you’ll be written as off as out of touch. You need to be able to speak the language of the urban youth if you’re going to be hip.
Consider incorporating these words into your vocabulary:
- Radical: a word used originally used in chemistry but made popular by those rascally Ninja Turtles. Now it means awesome, fantastic, swell, and/or really neato.
- Phat: perhaps originally used as a derogatory term for those who were overweight, it now means slick, cool daddio, and/or slamma jamma.
- Fleek: this is a new word just on the market. I think it has something to do with a new style of pants being sold at the JC Penney stores.
Tip #2: Upgrade Your Wardrobe
The kids will NOT think you’re cool if you come into youth group wearing dad jeans and a “#1 Dad Shirt” (and seriously, do you really think you’re the world’s #1 dad?). You need to add some pizazz (a cool word meaning “fresh style”) to your closet.
- 5 – 8 “No Fear” baseball caps, which you will wear backward or sideways. Yes, this may strike you as a foolish way to wear a baseball cap, but you haven’t changed styles since Reagan entered office.
- A pair of ULTRA wide leg JNCO jeans. Basically, you’ll feel like you’re wearing a small tent on your legs, but that’s what the kids are into these days.
- An “A Bread Crumb and Fish” t-shirt. By wearing a Christian version of an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt, it allows you to stay cool AND stay on message. #GospelWinning
Tip #3: Update Your Playlist
You may think it’s cool to pull into the church parking lot pumping the Gaither Vocal Band, but your kids will shrink in shame. No sir, you need a playlist that is seriously sick (a cool word that, contrary to popular opinion, means “awesome”, not nauseated).
Immediately go down to your local record store and purchase albums by the following bands:
- Carman – (his rap album is seriously fresh (a cool word meaning “up to date”)). When the kids hear you pull into the parking lot, they’ll say, “Woah, that dad is into rap! He must be awesome!”
- Geoff Moore and the Distance – This artist is relatively obscure, which, as we all know, means he’s really tight (a cool word meaning “swell”).
- dcTalk – You’re going to want to get their album “Nu Thang” for two reasons. First, it uses an edgy spelling for “New” and “Thing”, which makes them very urban. Second, it contains the song, “I Luv Rap Music”, which will give you instant cred with those rap loving rascals.
Now Get To It!
If you follow these 3 simple steps, all the kids at youth group will be clamoring for your attention. Suddenly, your kids will be jealous because you’ll be the popular one (haha!).