I Just Unhitched Jesus From The Old Testament, and You Won’t Believe What Happened Next

Following the advice of pastor Andy Stanley, I just unhitched Jesus from the Old Testament. Boy does it ever feel good to be rid of that old thing. It totally cluttered up the first 2/3 of my Bible. And really, it was so irrelevant to modern Christians, am I right?

Plus, have you ever tried to find the book of Habakkuk? It’s like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles, which I can tell you from experience is extraordinarily painful.

I am, however, slightly confused. A few things don’t make sense to me.

What’s all this stuff in the book of Hebrews about priests and the Most Holy Place and a guy named Melchizedek? It feels kinda like Old Testament stuff to me, and I’m definitely done with that. That horse has been put out to pasture and shipped to the glue factory (that’s how that analogy goes, right?) I’m thinking I should probably unhitch Hebrews as well.

And honestly, Galatians is a little on the weird side. It’s like, who are Sarah and Hagar, and why are they so mad at each other? What is this, Jersey Shore? Definitely need to unhitch this as well. Farewell, Galatians.

Can we also talk about 2 Corinthians 3? Why does Paul keep going on and on about Old and New Covenants? I’m like, “Dude, we’ve got the resurrection. Why do you keep looking for love in all the wrong places?” Kylo Ren had it right when he said, “Let the past die.” Time to unhitch 2 Corinthians.

We should probably talk about this cryptic genealogy at the beginning of Matthew as well. It’s like something out of a Dan Brown novel. Maybe The Genealogy Code could be his next bestseller. But I certainly don’t need this in my Bible. When I read it, here’s what I see:

Unimportant person
Unimportant person
Don’t care
Who’s this?
Never even heard this name
Is this guy from Game of Thrones?
JESUS

Excuse me for a second while I unhitch Matthew.

I’m gonna be totally honest, John lost me in the first paragraph. As soon he says, “In the beginning,” I’m out. JOHN, WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE BEGINNING. WE CARE ABOUT NOW. Unhitch.

And frankly, Romans has to go too. Abraham? The Law? Gentiles being grafted in (whatever the heck that means)? No thanks, Paul. It seems like you missed the memo. We’re done with that. You might as well be talking about The Beach Boys to my ten-year-old.

After unhitching everything, my Bible has four pages in it. But let me tell you, those are really important, relevant pages. This is the Christianity I need, and this is what the world needs to hear.

Thanks, Andy.

Stephen Altrogge

I'm a husband, dad, writer. I drink too much coffee and know too much about Star Wars. I created The Blazing Center. I've also written some books which people seem to like. You can follow me on Twitter and Facebook

33 comments

  • The reason we left our last church. No intention of living according to the Bible, rather making the Bible fit into what ever life style they choose.

  • Of course you know the entire ministry of Jesus well he taught from just the old testament as the new one was not written yet…

  • Loved it! Lol. Wish I could print all that on a t-shirt. Cannot imagine comprehending fully The New without The Old!
    Kinda like.. Yes I’m saved, But from What???? Thank you.

  • Interesting take… a little out of context though. Did you listen to the entire series Andy Stanley did? I didn’t take it as him discounting or unhitching the two at all. Different covenants yes. I was introduced to that series from an east coast friend and quite frankly, I thought it was a very interesting way to help make sense of to me what seems like to very different “Fathers” in the God of the OT and the God of the New. Stanley never said or implied that the OT no longer had value to teaching for today. For nearly every Christian I know, this is THE biggest issue we have with our understanding the Lord, of “faith” and the OT. Discearnment of course.

    • Well said Ron. It is disappointing how quickly we sometimes criticize others. It seems like people often ignore the context, or much of the message in an effort to strengthen their criticism, and I suppose make themselves look or feel smarter.

    • Hey Ron,
      I’ll admit right off, I have not listened to the series, but I’m assuming that from the link to the article above Stephen probably read the article…which literally quotes Andy as saying: “Peter, James, Paul elected to unhitch the Christian faith from their Jewish scriptures, and my friends, we must as well.”

      I’m sure there’s a lot of context missing (as you pointed out), but that quote alone is possibly worth a little theological bantering or even a bit of satirical poking.

      On a more serious note though, depending on how much “unhitching” we do we can end up with a very skewed view of the Father that doesn’t include the fullness of what the Old and New Testament reveal about Him. I get the idea that it “seems” like God is two “very different” Fathers between Old and New, but to me it’s not that He’s different between the two, He’s more fully revealed between the two.
      This is all just in my humble opinion. Peace brother.

    • MY GOD (Father) is the SAME yesterday today and forever… he never changes… paraphrased from Hebrews 15:8

  • I loved this! Unfortunately it’s one of those “laugh to keep from crying” things. I know a guy who only trusts the gospels as instructive because it has the actual words of Jesus, and he feels like the rest is just guys’ opinions. He thinks God instructed and inspired them to write, but that they wrote their own words, not His. I always want to ask him why he thinks he can trust that mere men actually got the words of Christ down accurately?!? Once you start dismissing any part of Scripture, the whole thing has to go! Thanks for letting me laugh about it for once!

  • all scripture is breathed of God and is useful for teaching, training, rebuking and correction so that the saint is well equipped for every good work. 2tim 3

  • Luke 24:27: “Then beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, He interpreted for them the things concerning Himself in all the Scriptures.” What Scriptures? The Old Testament. John 5:39: “You pore over the Scriptures because you think you have eternal life in them, yet they testify about Me.” What did Jesus say the OT was about? Himself. I guess you better just unhitch Jesus from modern Christianity.

  • Why is there not included a link to the actual teaching that Andy Stanley did that has brought about such judgement? Let people read what Andy’s full teaching was and then decide? Only seems fair and honest to me.

  • Sometimes I wonder if people realize they’re also criticizing when they criticize the criticizer. ??

  • Whoa!!!!!! Four pages? That’s way too many!!! Are you sure there is definitely NOTHING Old Testament in them?
    I’m sure you can really just get it down to 2.

  • What was just done to Andy Stanly is what we criticize people for doing with the scriptures, taking one line out of context. Did anyone reach out to him in some way for a clarification?

    The series makes plain that what you are saying is not what he is saying. Then everyone else piles on without doing the hard work of researching the issue. I admit, I can do that also. We want everything easy and handed to us on a plate. Actually understanding the issue is too much work.
    It seems like one of the issues in Galatians was the Judiazers were trying to “hitch” the Law of Moses to the Gospel and require gentile believers to get circumcised.
    Wesley Hill called it a “theological train wreck” and then promptly admitted that he had not listened to the sermon, much less the series. What are we doing?

    • I did listen to the sermon. And he definitely said really, really wrong things. It’s at the very end of the message. He says that the Christian faith does not need to be propped up by the OT and that the whole OT can come tumbling down without it affecting the Christian faith. This statement alone is completely wrong.

      He also clearly said that the Apostles unhitched their faith from the OT, which is absolutely false. Then he encourages us that it’s okay to dismiss the OT if things are disturbing about it.

      Honestly, everything was fine until the last four minutes. Then it falls to pieces.

      • Stephen – Exactly.

        The only thing I’d take issue with is your statement: “Honestly, everything was fine until the last four minutes. Then it falls to pieces.” 🙂

        Given how good he is at speaking, and how careful he is at constructing his point, I’d say his entire series was driving to that last 5 minutes. So, really, it fell to pieces from the start because his entire worldview on this is absolutely wrong.

        When you listen to his series in light of his belief that the whole OT can come tumbling down without affecting the Christian faith, most of the things that he says that sound OK are really not OK.

        Then you realize how wrong the entire thing is.

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